Olivia and Camille sat on each side of their mother, holding her hands. They sat in silence, the only sound coming from the ventilator and the slow beeping of the monitor. Their father had stepped out for some coffee. The radiation treatments had burned their mother's skin and made her hair fall out to the point that she ended up shaving her head a few weeks prior. She was still beautiful, bald head and all. Olivia was so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't noticed her mother was awake until she spoke, startling Olivia. "Hi, girls." She sounded weak. Olivia stood up and hugged her. "How long have y'all been here?"
"Not very long. You looked so peaceful, we didn't want to wake you." Camille rubbed her bloodshot eyes and squeezed her mother's hand. "Olivia's been waiting to play you a song." Their mother smiled.
"I'd love to hear it, Liv." She patted the bedside, motioning for the girls to sit. Olivia pulled out her c.d. player and headphones and put it on track 12. She slipped the headphones on her mother's ears and pressed play. They all sat quietly. Their mother had closed her eyes and tears were rolling down her cheeks. When the song ended, their mother removed the headphones and sat up. "Remember how I would always have a hard time trying to think of the right words to comfort you? This song says it all. I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be in your heart. I'll be with you in your dreams." This made the girls burst into tears.
Their father walked in. He frowned when he saw them all crying. "Did I miss the doctor? What's the news?"
"No, nothing like that, dad. I played a song for mom, that's all." Olivia stood to grab some tissue from the table.
"Jesus. You're crying over a song? Women!" They all shared a laugh.
Olivia spent the night at her sister's place because it was closer to the hospital. They were planning on going back to visit their mother in the morning. Olivia had just gotten comfortable on the couch after tossing and turning all night, and was starting to doze off, when she heard her sister's phone ring in the other room, shortly followed by sobs. Camille's boyfriend, Anthony, came out of their room a few minutes later. He sat on the floor next to Olivia and patted her shoulder. "You awake?"
"Yes."
"That was your dad. Your mom passed away around 9:30 this morning. I'm so sorry." He sat there for a minute, waiting for a response. When he got none, he patted her shoulder again and walked away. Olivia laid there, staring at the back of the couch. She felt numb. Did he just say what she thought he said? Fifteen minutes later, she finally fell asleep.
It was already afternoon. Olivia hadn't slept much. It seemed nobody did. She sat at the dining table, coffee cup in hand. Her sister emerged from her bedroom, eyes bloodshot, hair a tangled mess. Olivia couldn't bear to look at her sister, so she stared at the contents of her cup. Her sister spoke, startling her. "Do you need to call anyone?" Camille stood there, phone in hand. "It's okay if you need to call long distance."
Olivia hadn't even thought of calling him, but now that her sister mentioned it, she needed to hear his voice. "Yes please." Camille handed her the phone and left the room. Olivia stared blankly at the numbers, her vision blurring. She was so exhausted. She chugged the rest of her coffee and dialed the number. Someone picked up on the third ring.
"Hanson residence. This is Zachary, the man of the house."
This comment made Olivia smile weakly. "Hey kiddo! It's Liv."
"Who you calling kiddo?"
"I'm sorry, Mr. Hanson, sir!"
"Better. TAYYYYYYY, TELEPHONE!"
Olivia had to hold the phone away from her ear as Zac yelled for his brother. She heard footsteps running, followed by a scuffle, then heavy breathing. She imagined Taylor straightening his hair, trying to gain his composure before speaking.
"This is Tay."
"Hey, stranger."
"Who is this?"
"It's Olivia."
"Oh, hey! Long time no talk. What's cookin', good lookin'?"
Normally this statement would have Olivia smiling like the Cheshire cat, but she was in no mood for cheer. "My mom died." Silence.
"Shit."
"Yeah."
"Liv, I'm so sorry. When?" There was a lot of background noise. "Hold on. GUYS, I'M ON THE PHONE! Sorry."
"This morning. We were all sleeping. Well, I wasn't. She died around 9:30 apparently. I just...I don't get it. We saw her yesterday and she was fine! She was even talking about how the doctors were thinking about letting her come home because her cancer was almost completely gone. I don't understand." More silence. "Taylor?"
"I'm here. I'm sorry. I don't know what to say."
"Will you sing for me?"
"What?"
"Before she died I played With You in Your Dreams. She cried at how beautiful it was and told me it said exactly what she needed to say. Will you sing it for me? Please?" Olivia curled up on the couch, shivering.
He cleared his throat and began to sing. "If I'm gone when you wake up, please don't cry. And if I'm gone when you wake up, it's not good-bye. Don't look back at this time as a time of heartbreak and distress. Remember me, remember me, 'cause I'll be with you in your dreams..."
Olivia sobbed quietly. She closed her eyes and imagined him sitting next to her as he sang, his hand caressing hers. "Thank you," she whispered when he had finished singing.
"Anything for you, Liv."
"I should probably go. I'm using my sister's phone."
"Okay. When is the funeral?"
"Saturday. I need to go shopping for something black. I'll call you next week."
"Olivia."
"Hmm?"
"I'm serious when I say I'll do anything for you. You know that, right?"
"Yes. I appreciate that. I'll talk to you later." She quickly hung up and knocked on her sister's bedroom door.
Anthony answered. "Hey. How are you holding up?" He smiled sincerely.
"I'm okay. Thanks for letting me use your phone."
"Sure. Camille is in the shower, but we can give you a ride home in a bit if you want."
"Okay." Olivia handed Anthony the phone and started packing her purse. Thirty minutes later she was back home. Could she even call it home anymore? After all, home is where the heart is, as the saying goes, and her heart was now broken. She knew her father was at the hospital, dealing with paperwork and setting things up with the funeral home. She threw her purse on her bed and locked herself in her room, putting With You in Your Dreams on repeat and blaring it as loud as her stereo would let her.
Olivia didn't want to wake up. In just a few short hours was her mother's funeral. She was debating whether she could handle going when her father knocked on her open door. She looked up and smiled at him weakly. "Hi, daddy."
"I'm going to go clean out the car and run it through a car wash. I should be back in time to get ready for the fu..." He couldn't finish the word. Olivia didn't blame him. She walked over to him and hugged him tight. Her father sniffled and patted her on the back.
"I love you, daddy."
"I love you, too, kiddo." He grabbed his keys from the basket by the front door and left, leaving Olivia standing in her bedroom doorway. She sighed and made her way to the kitchen. She rummaged through the refrigerator but wasn't really looking for anything. She slammed the refrigerator door shut, pressed her back against it, and slumped down to the floor, hugging her knees to her chest. She felt so alone. Her best friend lived in another state, her sister was wrapped up in her own life with her boyfriend, her father was a workaholic, and her mother was dead. She really needed someone. Anyone. A knock on the door startled Olivia from her thoughts. She stood up, de-wrinkled her shirt, and answered the door. She immediately started sobbing as she jumped up and wrapped her arms around him.
"You're here!" She hugged him tighter. He hugged her in return, rubbing her back gently. Olivia finally let him go, leading him into her house. She shut the door and looked him over. She stopped on his gorgeous blue eyes, losing herself in them. "Wait. You're here? How in the world...?"
"After I got off the phone with you the other day we all hopped in the van and drove here. We've actually been here since yesterday but we had to get the hotel and everything."
"We?"
"Yeah, all of us are here. The whole family."
"Wow. Well, where are they?"
"At the hotel." He made himself comfortable on the couch, patting the cushion next to him. Olivia sat next to him.
"So, how did you get here?" She stared at him, baffled. He smiled, which made Olivia melt.
"I took a cab. Don't look at me like that! I really wanted to be here for you for the...in your time of need. I told you I'd do anything for you." Suddenly, Olivia lurched forward, grabbed his chin, and kissed him in a way she had never kissed anyone. She waited for him to stop her, but he didn't. He kissed her back, holding her hands, his fingers intertwined with hers. Olivia was lost in the moment, forgetting for a brief second why he was here. She didn't want the kiss to end. Unfortunately, they were interrupted by the arrival of Olivia's father. He cleared his throat loudly. The two pulled away from each other. Olivia grinned innocently while Taylor looked terrified. He stood quickly, almost losing his balance. "Mr. Hobbes, sir. I'm..." He held out his hand.
Mr. Hobbes hesitated. He looked at his daughter, who nodded, then shook Taylor's hand. "Taylor Hanson. Olivia talks about you all the time. It's nice to finally meet the boy that stole my daughter's heart." Olivia blushed.
Taylor blushed. "Pleasure to meet you, sir. Your daughter's a great girl."
"She is. If you hurt her, I'll kill you." Taylor laughed nervously, Mr. Hobbes stared at him seriously.
Olivia patted her father's shoulder. "Don't worry, daddy. If he hurts me, I'll kill him first." She kissed her father on the cheek, then looked at her watch, frowning. "I guess I should get ready. I'll be right back." She made her way to her bedroom, closing and locking the door behind her. She could hear muffled conversation as she got dressed. She brushed her hair, sweeping it back into a ponytail. The only make-up she ever wore was mascara and chap stick, so she decided to dress herself up a bit more and added some eye shadow to the mix. After slipping on her shoes, she grabbed her purse and emerged from her room. Taylor was alone again, pacing the living room. He had put on a corduroy blazer. He looked Olivia up and down. She wore a knee-length black skirt, a black button-up blouse with a red brocade design, and black pumps. He smiled and held her hand. Mr. Hobbes came out of his room shortly after, dressed up in a black suit. The three of them walked to the car silently. Taylor held the door open for Olivia and helped her into the vehicle. He slid into the back seat behind Olivia. Mr. Hobbes smiled as he started the ignition.
Olivia stepped out of the car and froze. "I can't do this."
"Yes you can. You're strong."
"No, I'm not. I just pretend to be." She sighed and made her way into the funeral home, her father holding the door open for her and Taylor. It was packed. Olivia immediately spotted her sister in the corner, snuggled up against Anthony. Ten minutes later, the funeral director came out and announced that it was time to gather for the service. Olivia held her breath as she headed to the service. 'I can do this. I've made it this far. I can make it through the service,' she thought to herself. Just when she had finally convinced herself of this, she found herself passing her mother's casket. The lid was open and her mother's bald head was visible. Olivia's knees buckled and she collapsed to the floor. She had lost all control. She sobbed, shaking violently. Taylor knelt down beside her, stroking her hair. Olivia moaned in agony. She couldn't move. She didn't want to. She wanted to stay there forever, next to her mother. Taylor bent down and picked Olivia up, cradling her. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he carried her to the pews, setting her down next to him. She didn't look up. She knew everyone would be staring at her, but she didn't care. Music started playing over the speakers. It was Amazing Grace on bagpipes. The room was silent as they listened to its beauty. When it was over, the priest came out and gave the eulogy that Olivia ignored. When the priest was done, more music played. This time it was Wind Beneath My Wings, her parents' song. She heard her father sobbing to her left. She finally looked up. There was a big screen that was showing family photos. Olivia looked over at her father. She had never seen him cry before. She reached over and gently squeezed his hand. He buried his face in his tissue as the song faded. It was now time for people to come and say a few words if they wanted to. Olivia numbly stumbled past everyone and made her way to the podium. She cleared her throat, but just as she began to speak, no words came out, only sobs. She couldn't keep her composure and she collapsed again. She felt someone on each side of her, lifting her up by her arms. She looked up to see Taylor on her left and Isaac on her right. She hadn't even realized that Isaac and Zac were here. They led her back to her seat, where Isaac gently kissed her on the cheek.
"I'm so sorry. Your mother was beautiful." Isaac whispered. He made his way to the podium. Taylor and Zac joined him and they began singing With You in Your Dreams a Capella. Olivia sobbed even harder. Everyone had stopped whispering and all eyes were now on Hanson. Their amazing harmonies were captivating. When they had finished singing, people patted them as they made their way through the crowd. Olivia smiled through her sobs.
"That was beautiful. Thank you. My mother would have loved that." Taylor cupped her face in his hands, wiping her tears with his thumbs. "I'm ready to go. I can't stand to be here any longer."
"Ike borrowed the van and drove it here. Do you want us to take you home?"
"Please." The Hanson brothers formed a barrier around Olivia as they headed to the van. People tried to talk to her, but she shook her head no and pleaded to keep going. When they reached the exit, Olivia ran towards the van as fast as her legs and lungs would allow. When she reached the van, she leaned against it. The guys caught up, unlocking the van and everyone climbed in. They drove in silence, Olivia snuggled up to Taylor in the back. Isaac dropped Olivia and Taylor off at Olivia's and he and Zac headed back to the hotel. Olivia drug Taylor into her room, slamming the door shut and locking it. She pushed him onto her bed, straddled him, and kissed him passionately. When she began unbuttoning his shirt, he stopped her.
"What are you doing?"
"What does it look like I'm doing?"
"Liv, don't. You're obviously emotional right now. This isn't how I want our relationship to go further." Taylor sat up and gently lifted Olivia off of him.
She looked stunned. "Are you serious? You could barely keep your hands off of me on the way here and now all of the sudden you're Mister Holier Than Thou?" Immediately Olivia regretted what she said. She covered her mouth and looked at Taylor pleadingly. "I'm sorry. That was an asshole thing to say."
"It's fine. Like I said, you're emotional. I really want to be with you, but not now. Not like this. Let's just take it slow, okay? I love you." Taylor held her chin in his hands.
"Really?"
"Really."
"I love you, too."
It had been a few months since Olivia had seen or spoken to anyone in the Hanson clan. She knew they were busy in the studio, but Taylor always made sure to take time to call her at least once a week. She had hoped they were just busy with the holidays right around the corner. Olivia was glad to be on Thanksgiving break. Returning back to school just a few short weeks after her mother's death was unbearable. Somehow, the entire school knew, and everyone stared at her wherever she went. Most people gave her sympathetic smiles, others whispered behind their hands. Olivia wound up having panic attacks and emotional breakdowns daily, to the point where the school counselor set Olivia up with a therapist outside of school. She was put on two different medications: one for anxiety/depression and one for sleep. She avoided taking the sleeping pills, but her insomnia had gotten so bad that she had only had about three hours' sleep in two days. She was exhausted. Her father was working longer hours to avoid being home, and Olivia understood why. She was curled up on her bed reading a book when her phone rang. The sound startled her. She dog-eared the page she was on and answered the phone. "Hello?" She heard a lot of static, then music faintly in the background. She was about to hang up when she heard his voice.
"Liv? Can you hear me?"
"Taylor? Is that you? What's going on?" Even though she could barely hear him, it was still good to hear his voice.
"Hey, sorry. We're in the studio. I'm sorry I haven't called you in awhile. We've been so busy working on this album, but it's coming along nicely."
"I can't wait to hear it."
"We're just listening to a few tracks right now. Let me hold the phone out so you can hear it." More static, then the music grew louder.
Every single time I see you, I start to feel this way.
It makes me wonder if I'm ever gonna feel this way again.
There's a picture that's hanging in the back of my head
I see it over and over.
I wanna hold you and love you in my arms and then
I wanna need you, 'cause I need to be with you 'til the end.
And then I hear myself reply "You've got to hold it in this time tonight."
If only I had the guts to feel this way.
If only you'd look at me and want to stay.
If only I'd take you in my arms and say
That I won't go 'cause I need you.
'Cause I need you.
Olivia grinned. "Taylor, that sounds amazing! I'm so excited for you guys!"
"Yeah, we're pretty excited. I just hope people love it as much as we do." Olivia could hear the frustration in his voice.
"They're idiots if they don't."
"Thank you. I'm glad you like what you heard. There's more where that came from, baby cakes!" Olivia let out a giggle.
"Nerd."
"You love it."
"I do."
"Well, I better get back in there. I don't want Ike and Zac to think I've finally let them choose the tracks without me. I love you."
"I love you, too. When can I see you again?"
"Soon, I promise." They said their good-byes and Olivia hung up, humming the snippet of the song she just heard as she laid in bed. Her heart ached being away from Taylor, but he was worth waiting for. She didn't finish humming the song, because she had fallen asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow. When she had awoken, it was morning. She had slept 10 hours without the aid of a pill.
"Not very long. You looked so peaceful, we didn't want to wake you." Camille rubbed her bloodshot eyes and squeezed her mother's hand. "Olivia's been waiting to play you a song." Their mother smiled.
"I'd love to hear it, Liv." She patted the bedside, motioning for the girls to sit. Olivia pulled out her c.d. player and headphones and put it on track 12. She slipped the headphones on her mother's ears and pressed play. They all sat quietly. Their mother had closed her eyes and tears were rolling down her cheeks. When the song ended, their mother removed the headphones and sat up. "Remember how I would always have a hard time trying to think of the right words to comfort you? This song says it all. I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be in your heart. I'll be with you in your dreams." This made the girls burst into tears.
Their father walked in. He frowned when he saw them all crying. "Did I miss the doctor? What's the news?"
"No, nothing like that, dad. I played a song for mom, that's all." Olivia stood to grab some tissue from the table.
"Jesus. You're crying over a song? Women!" They all shared a laugh.
Olivia spent the night at her sister's place because it was closer to the hospital. They were planning on going back to visit their mother in the morning. Olivia had just gotten comfortable on the couch after tossing and turning all night, and was starting to doze off, when she heard her sister's phone ring in the other room, shortly followed by sobs. Camille's boyfriend, Anthony, came out of their room a few minutes later. He sat on the floor next to Olivia and patted her shoulder. "You awake?"
"Yes."
"That was your dad. Your mom passed away around 9:30 this morning. I'm so sorry." He sat there for a minute, waiting for a response. When he got none, he patted her shoulder again and walked away. Olivia laid there, staring at the back of the couch. She felt numb. Did he just say what she thought he said? Fifteen minutes later, she finally fell asleep.
It was already afternoon. Olivia hadn't slept much. It seemed nobody did. She sat at the dining table, coffee cup in hand. Her sister emerged from her bedroom, eyes bloodshot, hair a tangled mess. Olivia couldn't bear to look at her sister, so she stared at the contents of her cup. Her sister spoke, startling her. "Do you need to call anyone?" Camille stood there, phone in hand. "It's okay if you need to call long distance."
Olivia hadn't even thought of calling him, but now that her sister mentioned it, she needed to hear his voice. "Yes please." Camille handed her the phone and left the room. Olivia stared blankly at the numbers, her vision blurring. She was so exhausted. She chugged the rest of her coffee and dialed the number. Someone picked up on the third ring.
"Hanson residence. This is Zachary, the man of the house."
This comment made Olivia smile weakly. "Hey kiddo! It's Liv."
"Who you calling kiddo?"
"I'm sorry, Mr. Hanson, sir!"
"Better. TAYYYYYYY, TELEPHONE!"
Olivia had to hold the phone away from her ear as Zac yelled for his brother. She heard footsteps running, followed by a scuffle, then heavy breathing. She imagined Taylor straightening his hair, trying to gain his composure before speaking.
"This is Tay."
"Hey, stranger."
"Who is this?"
"It's Olivia."
"Oh, hey! Long time no talk. What's cookin', good lookin'?"
Normally this statement would have Olivia smiling like the Cheshire cat, but she was in no mood for cheer. "My mom died." Silence.
"Shit."
"Yeah."
"Liv, I'm so sorry. When?" There was a lot of background noise. "Hold on. GUYS, I'M ON THE PHONE! Sorry."
"This morning. We were all sleeping. Well, I wasn't. She died around 9:30 apparently. I just...I don't get it. We saw her yesterday and she was fine! She was even talking about how the doctors were thinking about letting her come home because her cancer was almost completely gone. I don't understand." More silence. "Taylor?"
"I'm here. I'm sorry. I don't know what to say."
"Will you sing for me?"
"What?"
"Before she died I played With You in Your Dreams. She cried at how beautiful it was and told me it said exactly what she needed to say. Will you sing it for me? Please?" Olivia curled up on the couch, shivering.
He cleared his throat and began to sing. "If I'm gone when you wake up, please don't cry. And if I'm gone when you wake up, it's not good-bye. Don't look back at this time as a time of heartbreak and distress. Remember me, remember me, 'cause I'll be with you in your dreams..."
Olivia sobbed quietly. She closed her eyes and imagined him sitting next to her as he sang, his hand caressing hers. "Thank you," she whispered when he had finished singing.
"Anything for you, Liv."
"I should probably go. I'm using my sister's phone."
"Okay. When is the funeral?"
"Saturday. I need to go shopping for something black. I'll call you next week."
"Olivia."
"Hmm?"
"I'm serious when I say I'll do anything for you. You know that, right?"
"Yes. I appreciate that. I'll talk to you later." She quickly hung up and knocked on her sister's bedroom door.
Anthony answered. "Hey. How are you holding up?" He smiled sincerely.
"I'm okay. Thanks for letting me use your phone."
"Sure. Camille is in the shower, but we can give you a ride home in a bit if you want."
"Okay." Olivia handed Anthony the phone and started packing her purse. Thirty minutes later she was back home. Could she even call it home anymore? After all, home is where the heart is, as the saying goes, and her heart was now broken. She knew her father was at the hospital, dealing with paperwork and setting things up with the funeral home. She threw her purse on her bed and locked herself in her room, putting With You in Your Dreams on repeat and blaring it as loud as her stereo would let her.
Olivia didn't want to wake up. In just a few short hours was her mother's funeral. She was debating whether she could handle going when her father knocked on her open door. She looked up and smiled at him weakly. "Hi, daddy."
"I'm going to go clean out the car and run it through a car wash. I should be back in time to get ready for the fu..." He couldn't finish the word. Olivia didn't blame him. She walked over to him and hugged him tight. Her father sniffled and patted her on the back.
"I love you, daddy."
"I love you, too, kiddo." He grabbed his keys from the basket by the front door and left, leaving Olivia standing in her bedroom doorway. She sighed and made her way to the kitchen. She rummaged through the refrigerator but wasn't really looking for anything. She slammed the refrigerator door shut, pressed her back against it, and slumped down to the floor, hugging her knees to her chest. She felt so alone. Her best friend lived in another state, her sister was wrapped up in her own life with her boyfriend, her father was a workaholic, and her mother was dead. She really needed someone. Anyone. A knock on the door startled Olivia from her thoughts. She stood up, de-wrinkled her shirt, and answered the door. She immediately started sobbing as she jumped up and wrapped her arms around him.
"You're here!" She hugged him tighter. He hugged her in return, rubbing her back gently. Olivia finally let him go, leading him into her house. She shut the door and looked him over. She stopped on his gorgeous blue eyes, losing herself in them. "Wait. You're here? How in the world...?"
"After I got off the phone with you the other day we all hopped in the van and drove here. We've actually been here since yesterday but we had to get the hotel and everything."
"We?"
"Yeah, all of us are here. The whole family."
"Wow. Well, where are they?"
"At the hotel." He made himself comfortable on the couch, patting the cushion next to him. Olivia sat next to him.
"So, how did you get here?" She stared at him, baffled. He smiled, which made Olivia melt.
"I took a cab. Don't look at me like that! I really wanted to be here for you for the...in your time of need. I told you I'd do anything for you." Suddenly, Olivia lurched forward, grabbed his chin, and kissed him in a way she had never kissed anyone. She waited for him to stop her, but he didn't. He kissed her back, holding her hands, his fingers intertwined with hers. Olivia was lost in the moment, forgetting for a brief second why he was here. She didn't want the kiss to end. Unfortunately, they were interrupted by the arrival of Olivia's father. He cleared his throat loudly. The two pulled away from each other. Olivia grinned innocently while Taylor looked terrified. He stood quickly, almost losing his balance. "Mr. Hobbes, sir. I'm..." He held out his hand.
Mr. Hobbes hesitated. He looked at his daughter, who nodded, then shook Taylor's hand. "Taylor Hanson. Olivia talks about you all the time. It's nice to finally meet the boy that stole my daughter's heart." Olivia blushed.
Taylor blushed. "Pleasure to meet you, sir. Your daughter's a great girl."
"She is. If you hurt her, I'll kill you." Taylor laughed nervously, Mr. Hobbes stared at him seriously.
Olivia patted her father's shoulder. "Don't worry, daddy. If he hurts me, I'll kill him first." She kissed her father on the cheek, then looked at her watch, frowning. "I guess I should get ready. I'll be right back." She made her way to her bedroom, closing and locking the door behind her. She could hear muffled conversation as she got dressed. She brushed her hair, sweeping it back into a ponytail. The only make-up she ever wore was mascara and chap stick, so she decided to dress herself up a bit more and added some eye shadow to the mix. After slipping on her shoes, she grabbed her purse and emerged from her room. Taylor was alone again, pacing the living room. He had put on a corduroy blazer. He looked Olivia up and down. She wore a knee-length black skirt, a black button-up blouse with a red brocade design, and black pumps. He smiled and held her hand. Mr. Hobbes came out of his room shortly after, dressed up in a black suit. The three of them walked to the car silently. Taylor held the door open for Olivia and helped her into the vehicle. He slid into the back seat behind Olivia. Mr. Hobbes smiled as he started the ignition.
Olivia stepped out of the car and froze. "I can't do this."
"Yes you can. You're strong."
"No, I'm not. I just pretend to be." She sighed and made her way into the funeral home, her father holding the door open for her and Taylor. It was packed. Olivia immediately spotted her sister in the corner, snuggled up against Anthony. Ten minutes later, the funeral director came out and announced that it was time to gather for the service. Olivia held her breath as she headed to the service. 'I can do this. I've made it this far. I can make it through the service,' she thought to herself. Just when she had finally convinced herself of this, she found herself passing her mother's casket. The lid was open and her mother's bald head was visible. Olivia's knees buckled and she collapsed to the floor. She had lost all control. She sobbed, shaking violently. Taylor knelt down beside her, stroking her hair. Olivia moaned in agony. She couldn't move. She didn't want to. She wanted to stay there forever, next to her mother. Taylor bent down and picked Olivia up, cradling her. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he carried her to the pews, setting her down next to him. She didn't look up. She knew everyone would be staring at her, but she didn't care. Music started playing over the speakers. It was Amazing Grace on bagpipes. The room was silent as they listened to its beauty. When it was over, the priest came out and gave the eulogy that Olivia ignored. When the priest was done, more music played. This time it was Wind Beneath My Wings, her parents' song. She heard her father sobbing to her left. She finally looked up. There was a big screen that was showing family photos. Olivia looked over at her father. She had never seen him cry before. She reached over and gently squeezed his hand. He buried his face in his tissue as the song faded. It was now time for people to come and say a few words if they wanted to. Olivia numbly stumbled past everyone and made her way to the podium. She cleared her throat, but just as she began to speak, no words came out, only sobs. She couldn't keep her composure and she collapsed again. She felt someone on each side of her, lifting her up by her arms. She looked up to see Taylor on her left and Isaac on her right. She hadn't even realized that Isaac and Zac were here. They led her back to her seat, where Isaac gently kissed her on the cheek.
"I'm so sorry. Your mother was beautiful." Isaac whispered. He made his way to the podium. Taylor and Zac joined him and they began singing With You in Your Dreams a Capella. Olivia sobbed even harder. Everyone had stopped whispering and all eyes were now on Hanson. Their amazing harmonies were captivating. When they had finished singing, people patted them as they made their way through the crowd. Olivia smiled through her sobs.
"That was beautiful. Thank you. My mother would have loved that." Taylor cupped her face in his hands, wiping her tears with his thumbs. "I'm ready to go. I can't stand to be here any longer."
"Ike borrowed the van and drove it here. Do you want us to take you home?"
"Please." The Hanson brothers formed a barrier around Olivia as they headed to the van. People tried to talk to her, but she shook her head no and pleaded to keep going. When they reached the exit, Olivia ran towards the van as fast as her legs and lungs would allow. When she reached the van, she leaned against it. The guys caught up, unlocking the van and everyone climbed in. They drove in silence, Olivia snuggled up to Taylor in the back. Isaac dropped Olivia and Taylor off at Olivia's and he and Zac headed back to the hotel. Olivia drug Taylor into her room, slamming the door shut and locking it. She pushed him onto her bed, straddled him, and kissed him passionately. When she began unbuttoning his shirt, he stopped her.
"What are you doing?"
"What does it look like I'm doing?"
"Liv, don't. You're obviously emotional right now. This isn't how I want our relationship to go further." Taylor sat up and gently lifted Olivia off of him.
She looked stunned. "Are you serious? You could barely keep your hands off of me on the way here and now all of the sudden you're Mister Holier Than Thou?" Immediately Olivia regretted what she said. She covered her mouth and looked at Taylor pleadingly. "I'm sorry. That was an asshole thing to say."
"It's fine. Like I said, you're emotional. I really want to be with you, but not now. Not like this. Let's just take it slow, okay? I love you." Taylor held her chin in his hands.
"Really?"
"Really."
"I love you, too."
It had been a few months since Olivia had seen or spoken to anyone in the Hanson clan. She knew they were busy in the studio, but Taylor always made sure to take time to call her at least once a week. She had hoped they were just busy with the holidays right around the corner. Olivia was glad to be on Thanksgiving break. Returning back to school just a few short weeks after her mother's death was unbearable. Somehow, the entire school knew, and everyone stared at her wherever she went. Most people gave her sympathetic smiles, others whispered behind their hands. Olivia wound up having panic attacks and emotional breakdowns daily, to the point where the school counselor set Olivia up with a therapist outside of school. She was put on two different medications: one for anxiety/depression and one for sleep. She avoided taking the sleeping pills, but her insomnia had gotten so bad that she had only had about three hours' sleep in two days. She was exhausted. Her father was working longer hours to avoid being home, and Olivia understood why. She was curled up on her bed reading a book when her phone rang. The sound startled her. She dog-eared the page she was on and answered the phone. "Hello?" She heard a lot of static, then music faintly in the background. She was about to hang up when she heard his voice.
"Liv? Can you hear me?"
"Taylor? Is that you? What's going on?" Even though she could barely hear him, it was still good to hear his voice.
"Hey, sorry. We're in the studio. I'm sorry I haven't called you in awhile. We've been so busy working on this album, but it's coming along nicely."
"I can't wait to hear it."
"We're just listening to a few tracks right now. Let me hold the phone out so you can hear it." More static, then the music grew louder.
Every single time I see you, I start to feel this way.
It makes me wonder if I'm ever gonna feel this way again.
There's a picture that's hanging in the back of my head
I see it over and over.
I wanna hold you and love you in my arms and then
I wanna need you, 'cause I need to be with you 'til the end.
And then I hear myself reply "You've got to hold it in this time tonight."
If only I had the guts to feel this way.
If only you'd look at me and want to stay.
If only I'd take you in my arms and say
That I won't go 'cause I need you.
'Cause I need you.
Olivia grinned. "Taylor, that sounds amazing! I'm so excited for you guys!"
"Yeah, we're pretty excited. I just hope people love it as much as we do." Olivia could hear the frustration in his voice.
"They're idiots if they don't."
"Thank you. I'm glad you like what you heard. There's more where that came from, baby cakes!" Olivia let out a giggle.
"Nerd."
"You love it."
"I do."
"Well, I better get back in there. I don't want Ike and Zac to think I've finally let them choose the tracks without me. I love you."
"I love you, too. When can I see you again?"
"Soon, I promise." They said their good-byes and Olivia hung up, humming the snippet of the song she just heard as she laid in bed. Her heart ached being away from Taylor, but he was worth waiting for. She didn't finish humming the song, because she had fallen asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow. When she had awoken, it was morning. She had slept 10 hours without the aid of a pill.